Today I wanna get real. Let the nitty get gritty, the rubber’s hittin’ the road… And so on…
I wanna talk about desires. Will. Destiny. The hard stuff.
The bible says that if you, “delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart”.
So… I mean, what does it REALLY mean to, “delight yourself in the Lord and he’ll give you the desires of your heart”? It’s such a pretty and quotable verse, isn’t it? It’s one we say to feel good and hopeful inside.
First, I wanna focus on the” delight yourself in the Lord” part. I know everyone’s favorite part is the “he’ll give you the desires of your heart” BUT just to be fair the delight part is listed first…. Hehe. Actually as a sinner I’d never even heard the first part! Sad!
To me… Delighting yourself is not just being happy in the Lord, etc.
No, it’s much deeper than that. To me, it’s truly serving and seeking to please God. And doing it in a way where it’s truly what you strive to do above all else. In delighting in Him, you give your whole self to him. Including your dreams, desires, and future. That could include who you marry, where you live, where you work, and even how you raise your children… Radical. I know.
Now, if we did that, then the “desires” that we’re waiting for Him to give us, might actually line up to the desires HE wants for us. Interesting thought, huh?
In my lifetime, (such a long one, I know) God has asked me to do some difficult things and make difficult choices but following my hubby to Brazil just might be the toughest. Today I read through my first blog posts and could still feel the struggle. It was real.
The move really tested my faith, relationship with God, and my willingness to put my money where my mouth is because, I used to always say, “I’ll never say no to God” and “I’d follow my husband anywhere”.
This testimony is kinda long overdue but some really wonderful things have happened since we’ve said yes and followed Gods plan for our lives. (and yes, besides all the things I’ve already blogged about) These, are deeply personal things. Things that I wouldn’t specifically talk about wanting, but in the deep secret place of my heart, I wanted more than anything.
It wasn’t until after I was here for year that I was praying and just thanking God for many things, when I realized he’d answered some old prayers and worked out some desires that I’d had for as long as I could remember, but honestly hadn’t ever prayed about.
Closure and Second Chances
First, I got closure. While getting our visas we stayed with my little brothers parents. You see, He was raised by his father, my ex-stepdad. I have nothing but fond memories of the man who helped raised me most of my childhood. Eventually, divorce would drive a wedge and him out of my life. He’s long since remarried to a wonderful woman. And I call her a friend. Anyways, after the divorced we lost touch and it hurt, badly. Apparently, it still hurt even as an adult. We had a great time staying with them and talked about my childhood and other wonderful memories. I also got to ask him many questions that had bothered me for years. We connected on a deeper level and it was something I’ve always wanted but never asked for! This was my Dad, the one that helped raised me and made me feel as if I was his own. We still email and keep in touch. I’m grateful to have him and his family back in my life. I feel like God gave me part of my past back. A good part.
Calm my Craziness
Next, my secret desire for a mellow heart. That’s sounds weird I’m sure, but I can be a bit of a spaz. I’ve always fought against my natural instinct to freak out. To get mad. To want to control everything. I’ve prayed for years that God would help me mellow out. It’s something I hadn’t noticed, but I hadn’t struggled with it as much since coming here and even though it wasn’t that big of an issue anymore, I still prayed that God would change me completely. I really believe God can change certain aspects of our personalities. I used to be a huge pessimist for years after getting saved, and after tons of prayer, I became the eternal, the glass is half full, annoying optimist. It took prayer and self control but God’s still making me more like him to this day. I’m much more relaxed and trusting in all God has in store and it’s something I’ve yearned for and I, and I’m sure, my family are happy about!
Third, He’s given me my sister. I have 3 brothers. Yep poor me, grew up the only girl…. But not anymore! You see, my mom gave a baby girl up for adoption 43 years ago to be raised by wonderful parents and several times in my life I’d fantasized about meeting her. I’d wonder about her. I’d wonder if she wondered about us. Then out of the blue my mom gets a call from the adoption agency saying she’s ready to meet! Oh my gosh! I couldn’t believe it! After some paperwork, we were given each others phone numbers. I was so nervous to talk to her for the first time but she was so kind and sweet and it felt like I’d known her for years. Now we text and talk often and we got to meet in person. I feel so blessed and my heart is full! Words can’t even describe. It’s truly surreal and I give God all the glory.
Finally, He’s given us family here in Brazil. He’s blessed us with the most wonderful, lovely people. As a Christian, I’ve longed to see lives changed by His gospel and we’re seeing it. We’re so blessed to be here and see God move in this country. We’re so blessed to have new friends all over the world. We’re blessed to give our kids this experience. We’re especially blessed to experience this together as a family.
I believe God knows our desires more than we do. He remembers the desires we’ve forgotten. He remembers the voids that aren’t as tender and don’t come to mind as often. What an even bigger reason for us to “delight ourselves in Him” and to take comfort in His will and in his ways.